| Jun. 19th, 2009 @ 08:43 pm Fuck Loud Twitter |
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Loud twitter was just a lazy way to write livejournal entries. I'd rather write them myself and not have posts made up of short sentences one after another throughout the day. Writing here is more phone and a little bit more personal... and I sorta like that.
But right now, all my life is really concerned with is that god damn real estate license. I've complained about this a lot now... and I realistically should have gotten this about 2 months ago... or a little less. But they've pushed back my application so much, I've been out of work for so long because I thought my license would come sooner. If i knew it was going to take months I would've found a job and not have been so god damn poor almost all the fucking time.
School is coming up again, and while I do get some financial aid I still have to pay for my own books. I don't even have enough money to afford just one book over the summer.
God damn it, my last job has spoiled me so much. I like money, money is good and it makes me happy. It's so hard for me to have any fun at all without it. And that's always been true.
I sound like a terrible person. I want to say that I can have fun without money. Sometimes I do. Hanging out with friends is good enough for me. But as soon as someone mentions that they're hungry and want to get something to eat, or that they want to go watch a movie, or even go to a friends house.. I'd have to leave. It costs money to eat, to watch a movie, and to get anywhere with my car. It's money I don't have... and there's nothing I can do about it.
I hate asking for gas money. I dont want to be that guy that always asks for money whenever we go somewhere. I dont mind paying wherever we go. And whenever I do actually get any money from anyone.. I feel terrible inside. I feel like my heart drops and I'm about to cry. I don't want people to help me out.. I feel too selfish asking for money and not knowing when I would be able to give it back.
It's also getting harder to see Cassandra. After gas went back down to nearly $2.00 I was able to visit her constantly. The prices have steadily been getting higher though.. and I've had to limit my visits and start taking the train again. And once I'm actually there, I don't have any money to do anything so we spend the whole day sitting around at home watching movies and going on picnics. I'm not complaining, I love the time I spend with her... but at some point I'd like to take her to the movies, go bowling, somewhere that isn't her house.
I don't know what I'm going to do if my license was rejected. I've spent all this time and money on it... I would hate myself if it was for nothing.
This feels much better than twittering. |
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